Real Steel: Perfect Hollywood Masala

Imagine Wall-E's innocence, Rocky's will and courage, Transformers' Robots and Coolness, Pursuit of Happyness' Father Son Chemistry . Combine all this and you get Real Steel. Trust me, Without any exaggeration, Real Steel is this year's most promising masala flick. It has everything one could ask for. Awesome Background Score, Kick Ass Action Sequences, Love, Emotions, Coolness quotient, Sci-Fi, Cuteness everthing a masala hollywood movie could have. There was hardly anything you could complain about. Just forget everything that's going on in your life, Take the Kids along and immerse yourself in a roller coaster ride for 2 hours. Must Watch for purists and masala lovers alike.

Real Steel is set in not so distant future, where Robot Boxing is a popular sport. Hugh Jackman, an ex-boxer himself is a struggling promoter who one fine day finds out that his ex-wife is dead and he has a son. He has to keep the son with him for a month in exchange of 100 Gs. The kid is smarter than dad and they find an old Boxing robot and they start winning one fight after another which brings them closer. Well, the story is just a background, the soul of the movie actually lies in the adrenaline pumping-kick ass robot boxing matches.

Hugh jackman does well, but the son (Dakota Goyo) steals the cake. He is my pick of the lot as far as the performances go, though the role was more suited for a 15 something teenager rather than an 11 year old kid. In movies like this, it hardly matters. The only thing that matters is that the fighting sequences should pack a punch and in this case, they surely do. The sound track is full of Hip Hop thump and the Eminem Raps, and adds to the overall narrative and takes the boxing matches a notch higher. The cinematography is neat and the robots almost look absolutely mechanical and real like rather than computer generated. The direction and pace is fast and there are hardly any moments where you feel bored. 

Though there is some more than required dose of father-son relationship etc, but i guess you can't simply have robot boxing through out the length of the movie without having a 'story' in the middle or atleast in the background. Though you wait for the next fight but don't feel bored in between as well.

Overall: A Kick Ass Action-SciFi-Sports flick which sends your adrenaline up a few levels and leaves you wanting for more. Must Watch with friends or Kids. If you are a transformers' fan, I'm sure you'll love it more. 

Feel-O-Meter: 8/10

Love, Break ups, Zindagi: Bore, Headache and Death

Any Rom-Com's success is largely based upon two essential factors:1. The Awww, Funny, Cute, Lovey-Dovey 'moments' and 2. The Chemistry between the lead pair. LBZ fails on both and immensly. The movie is one of the most boring movies i have seen in a long time. Being more than 2 and a half hour long, its painfully looong. There are hardly any moments which excite you and you are left looking at your watch more often than the screen. The performances are one of the worst i have EVER seen.  The dialogues are so freakin cheesy that you feel like being trapped in a rat trap ! No sense of direction, as to what is happening, why it is happening and where is the movie going. The only saving grace is Salim Suleiman's Music. Absolute waste of time and resources. Download the songs and enjoy in your car. DO NOT WATCH even if paid a thousand bucks, rather send tickets to your frenemy :P

Let me clarify, I knew there is Zayed Khan and Dia Mirza in the movie and DESPITE that i went for the movie coz i thought of giving the poor guys a chance. A lot of people will not watch a movie because of the actors and last year Tum Mile (Emraan and Soha) was a pleasant surprise. I thought the same about LBZ after watching promos. They had nice songs playing in the background, some witty one liners by Cyrus sahukar, Dia Mirza looked kinda cute and i thought of giving it a shot. And Yes, It was a mistake. A BIIIG mistake. 

Though i am sure after reading through the first two paragraphs, you anyways won't watch the movie but still for formality's sake, the movie is about Zayed and Dia, who are dating different people. They meet at a wedding and realize they are not with the 'one'. The wedding is over, they separate, they meet again, realize their love and a sacrifice by the 'nice' boyfriend later, they live happily ever after. Anyways, there are tangential storylines as well, but i am sure you are not bothered. 

There is absolutely nothing in the movie that you take back. After an hour you are like what the f**k ya, Interval kyun nahi hua ab tak? There is a wedding happening in the movie, and there are bloody 10 people (max and including the extras) who are attending it. They are the only ones in every single bloody frame. Cheapness and Bhikhaaripanti ki haddh kar di. Cost cutting is one thing and bloody just not taking any people in the movie is other. Almost half the movie is shot in one bunglow with almost no cast. 

The Script is cliched and dialogues irritating. I mean, suddenly the hero says something to the girl and you reach for your shoe to be thrown at the screen. Trust me, a couple of times i actually went for my hair literally !! One of the most boring movies i have seen EVERR. The only saving grace for the movie is the music which is quite pleasing actually and though you might not want to purchase the CD, you may still download the songs online and listen for a week or so. Cyrus Sahukar tries his best to keep the movie's head above the water level and though gives a decent performance and IS funny in his sequences, but a oneliner every half hour ain't good enough.

Overall: An absolute No-No. Do not watch even if you get free passes. Send tickets to your frenemy and Enjoy watching HBO instead. 

Feel-O-Meter: 2/10 (1.5 for the Music, 0.5 for Cyrus, Zero for the movie)

Fact of Life: A Miss Walks the Isle and becomes a Missile.

If you actually think of it, Ram was among the first HEAD-hunters of the world ! #Happy Dussehra

Kuch Na Kar paane ki Frustration aur Bahot Kuch Karna Chahne ki Motivation ka ajab sa suroor chaa raha hai..
Growth De-Growth ka pata nahi, but career gaddhe mein zaroor ja raha hai..

Breaking News: Ghadi washing powder launches detergent cake. Calls it Ghanta

Marriage is like a 3 Ring Circus: Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring, Suffering!!

Breaking news: This Sports day, Government declares ' Blame Game' to be our new national sport

Isabella, Katrina and now Irene. Dear women, I hope you get the drift

Dear Nokia, just because you launch symbian anna doesn't mean people will support you. Sincerely, janlokpa

Sabhi Bhaiyon se Nivedan hai ke Iss friendship day zara dhyaan rakhe. Aapko Diya gaya friendship band rakhi bhi ho sakti hai

Dear GDR, So Whats next after Shantaram? Sakkubai?

Jheel si thi unki Aankhein.. Gaal the surkh Laal.. Gulaab si the hoth aur daanto mein thi aisi chamak.. 
Ke maano upar waale ne bahot fursat mein bhara ho unke toothpaste mein namak

What did harry tell lord voldemort?
Sudhar ja nahi toh teri wand maar lunga

Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara: No Regrets/No Complaints

As you might have guessed already, ZMMD is the usual Lets take a final roadtrip, Friends coming together, Lets Live for Today, Lets have No Regrets kinda Preachy Movie and it indeed IS. But to be honest, its much more as well. Though more than 2 and a half hour long, there are hardly any scenes which bore you or provide you an opportunity to go and grab pop corns. The Direction is grippy, The Pace swift, The Performances Good, The Screenplay interesting. Almost everything is just about the way it should be, nothing more nothing less, just about perfect. Though there are those preachy moments but they don't screen aloud rather make the point very subtley. There is hardly anything which i had a major complain about (May be Music), and an overall a very satisfying experience. Strongly Recommended.


OK, Let me be very honest with you. I was very excited initially when i heard that Abhay Deol, Hrithik and Farhan (and ofcourse the bonus being katreena) are going to be together for a movie. But then i heard about the plot, that its the last friendly roadtrip and make most of today kinda movie. The excitement was lessened considerably. Then i saw the ads with reinforcing the 'Dar ke Aage Jeet hai' and that was the ultimate put off and was not even planning to watch it. But then i was in for a pleasant surprise, or may be its because of my low expectations that i liked the movie so much. I thought it will be 'My Abs are tighter Than yours' or 'My Cleavage is deeper than yours' kinda stuff, and it IS but thats not the only thing there is to it. It IS an ad for Spain Tourism Department but even then you kinda like the overall setting. It IS a masala bollywood flick but still has its soul intact and does not compromise on the basics of the story.

The movie is about 3 long lost friends who go on a road trip together to re live their bachelorhood and face their fears. In the process they meet long lost relatives, new crushes and (may be) future life partners but above all, they get in touch with their real self. They realize what they are made of and what 'life' is and what it should be. Sounds Preachy right? As i said, it IS but not the arty preachy but entertaining preachy. The trip, the Adventure Sports and the 'fears' just serve as a background and the real story lies in the lead characters' (re)discovery of themselves.

Everybody plays the part almost perfectly though there could have been some other choice than Kalki I feel. and Farhan Akhtar ROCKS. I mean half the credit goes to him to keep the movie not sounding like a lecture rather than an entertaining thought. He is genuinely funny when he is supposed to and is my pick of the actors from the ensemble. Absolutely Brilliant. Also, Though Zoya has made it mainstream but doesn't let it drift away in the mindless genre. There is humour but it is through the chemistry and small situations/moments rather than jokes or gags. There is romance but no kood jaunga faand jaunga kinda romance but takes a very practical look at it. There is friendship but not Ye dost hum nahi todenge kinda friendship burt rather a very real friendhsip where friends fight, pull each others' legs, play pranks and then make up as well. Its realistic but without the heaviness around it. Full marks to her to keep the movie fresh, quick paced, tolerably preachy and keeping the emotions intact.

Overall: Not Frantically paced , Tolerably Preachy with everything just about perfect. Strong Recommendation this week.

Feel-O-Meter: 8/10

Delhi Belly: 'Shit' Happened, Literally..

I understand that the tagline for the movie was 'Shit Happens' but Dear Director, you weren't supposed to take it soo literally and pour 'Toilet/Potty Humour' on the screen (Literally too). Delhi Belly promises to be a laugh riot but doesn't deliver. May be the hype created surrounding it was too much for me to handle and i expected some crazy Andaz Apna Apna-Hera Pheri kinda stuff. But that's hardly the case. Its just a regular Guy Ritchie rip off but isn't half as funny or confusing as the genre demands. At best, it has 4-5 ammazingly funny sequences and at worst nothing more than some potty humour. Is watchable with a friends (obviously NOT family) one time, but is hardly worth all the hype its getting.


Let me make it very clear that i am NOT saying that its a pathetic/bad movie. It sure has its funny moments which will throw you out of your chair but they are far and few. A couple of scenes are VERY funny but since there is no consistency in the humour. The effect just fizzles out. On One hand we have a promise that its a multiplex comedy for the 'intelligent humour' lovers and almost 40% jokes are trying to be funny coz somebody trying to go to the loo or is abusing. I don't understand why just the use of words like 'g***d, Ch**t or L**u may tickle your funny bone. May be, its just another B-Grade Dada Kondke set in Delhi with 'educated' protagonists in place of Gaonwalas. But the feel remains the same.

Loose Motions are funny but not after you enter teenage or start understanding humour. Another problem that i had was that it never gave enough time or space to any of the characters. In order to make a slick and fast paced movie, the director does not let any character develop or some abrupt sequence comes (which might or might not be funny) which doesn't fit in the scheme of things. Its just a collection of gags which seem funny when you think of it as a gag but don't fit in the overall length/plot of the movie. Moreover, there arent enough twists and turns to confuse you enough like a Guy Ritchie or even Priyadarshan.

As far as the performances are concerned, Vir Das is THE man. He is the pick of the cast. Whenever there is something to do with him in any sequence, the pace just picks up. The guy just simply rocks and even in the scenes where there are no funny 'lines' per se, the guy just makes you laugh like shit. *Respect*. Imran Khan is at his pathetic worst, there is no definition to his character. He starts as a serious journalist and ends up a confused lover. The transition also seems abrupt coz there is hardly any chemistry with either of the ladies. Kunal Roy Kapoor seems funny in the initial sequences but later the overdose of loose motions and toilet humour just leaves you irritated than amused. Poorna Jagannathan is HAWT. Shenaz is (as usual) Cute. Vijay Raaz is as good as he is in any other roles.

Overall: A Decent One Time Watch but DEFINITELY not worth the hype. If you expect a Comedy Classic, Don't Go. Spend some time drinking with some funny friends from college Rather.

Feel-O-Meter: 5/10

Transformers 3 (Dark of the Moon): Bigger Not Better 6/10

Optimus Prime, Bumblebee, Megatron, Cybertron, Ironhide. If you know any of these words. You anyways are going to watch this move, if you are not. Then Nevermind, its not for you. T3 Dark of the Moon, is the 3rd instalment in the hasbro toys' inspired Movies. The movie is just like the other 2 movies, with no sense in the plot or emotions in the narrative and rides heavily on the 'cool' factor. The Scale, The Sequences, The Mayhem, The Background Score, Everything is bigger and better. Though its too long (almost 2.5 hours) and the first half defines boredom, the second half picks up and the last 40 minutes are typical transformers' blink and you miss action and rides heavily on the same. Watchable if you are the series fan or are in love with the Optimus Prime's voice or Bumblebee's cuteness.


The plot revolves around the same age old 'Human Race is about to get extinct' and Megatrons will wipe humans off the face off the earth. Add to it a new cool autobot called sentinel prime. A new method of wiping human race (after absorbing the sun itself through a machine in revenge of the fallen). A new hottie after Megan Fox was fired. A Much Much larger scale. Bigger-Better Graphics. Crazy Imagination (Though given the sci fi growth in hollywood, nothing seems surprising now). Mix all that with some humour here and there and you get T3.

Basically, as you would already be aware, you are not supposed to get into the plot part anyways. You are just supposed to absorb the 'cool quotient'. You are only supposed to widen your eyes and ears to just absorb what's happening apart from 'understanding' as well. Just try to keep your mouth closed and not open in awe when you see Washington DC and Chicago going down after a Megatron Attack. The Autobots are the same but the megatrons are meaner and especially the new one called 'shockwave'. The sequences where it is tearing a glass building apart are just mind blowing. Your blink rate would most likely reduce to one-third at the time this particular sequence is on.

A Special Mention about the last 40 minutes is required here. The rate at which the action is taking place is just too much to handle. And if you are watching the movie in 3D, the dark glasses may take half the fun away and leave some dizziness, when you are struggling to understand whats happening or trying to differentiate between optimus and sentinel or megatron and ironhide. The movie just takes some steroids or something, suddenly the pace increases manifold, it appears as if michael bay just realized, 'oh shit, i need to wind all up in 40 minutes and i have like 500 million dollars still left to spend'. And the Hell breaks loose.

The first is plain simple boring. You are simply fed up with the way the whole plot drags. At more than an hour long, the first half seems like a different movie altogether. You are just bored of the boredom with nothing happening. The chemistry between Rosie Hunting and Shia is forced. Nothing is happening anywhere. The movie just keeps on dragging with no action anywhere. No humour. No 'Hotness'. Absolutely nothing and you are tempted to leave the movie in the middle and go for a walk in the park or something, but going by the last 2 instalments, you are aware that all the 'cool stuff' is expected in the second half only and it delivers.

Overall: A Definite Watch if you are a Series Fan. Especially for the last half hour. It might not be better than the first two but is definitely bigger. Else give it a miss.

Feel-O-Meter: 6/10

PS: DO NOT watch it in 3D(Yes it is REAL 3D and still takes the fun away) Its too dark with those glasses on and for more than 30% of the movie i was ok with the blurred vision after taking the glasses off coz the colours made up for the blur mostly

Mostly, a Woman is not BEHIND a successful man, but AFTER him 

Dear Friend ‎'U' are the difference between a Champ and Champu

Q. Why no one believes emraan hashmi?
A. coz he only offers Lip Service

Dear boss, just because today is world music day. It doesn't mean it gives you a right to bajao ours. Sincerely frustrated employees 

Teacher : Give me an example of a mechanism which converts solids into gas.
Student: Sir, Digestive System

Ready : 'Ready' for some Rubbish?

So? Are you Ready? Ready for some ridiculousness? Ready for absolute nonsense? Ready for bad acting? Ready for Worse writing? Ready for an absolutely trash movie? Ready for the kind of movie which is not funny in any way? Then Please go ahead and watch ready this weekend. Need i say more? Overall 1/10

As its said, you can make some people fool all the time, all people fool some time but not make a fool of all the people all the time. Ready proves the same point. You can deliver a dabangg once where people treat trash as style and make it a huge hit, but you can't do it again and again. Let me make it very clear (again), that i am not one of those pseudo intellectuals who only like 'International' cinema and do not appreciate 'Bollywood Masala'. I absolutely love the 'Brainless Comedies' (as this genre is descrined as). But I am against 'Brainless' movies which do not make you laugh but rather irritate you in every sequence. This is one of those.

I fail to understand, why after spending such a big amount of money on stars, songs & dance sequences, marketing etc the industry can't spend a little amount ( and some more time) on writing a movie. How can this kind of a shit be served after spending some 50 crores (if not more) on a movie? I mean, you give a 5 year old a script to write for a play and i am sure he/she could come up with something better.

The movie is just plain irritating and leaves you with a headache. It keeps yo uwondering throughout the length of the movie as to what's the point of making a movie like this. If you want to make people laugh then PLEASE make people laugh by writing a good script. Don't write crap and expect people to laugh because salman khan is delivering that crap. There is absolutely nothing in the movie that i liked. Salman is at his hamming best with desperate measures taken to make him feel stylish in any frame to ensure that people follow him just like Dabangg.

I would not bother to describe the plot here, since most would argue that in 'brainless' genre, it doesn't matter and same is the case here as well. As far as performances are concerned, EVERY actor is worse than the other. There is absolutely nobody (hmmm.. may be paresh rawal) who delivers the goods, but that's not because they perform bad, but just the fact that there is nothing they could do about the movie. With all the stupidities, With all the slapsticks, With all the (supposedly) Style Quotient, there is absolutely nothing for the actor to do. They could simply deliver the crap given to them and just hope that Salman could generate some buzz to ensure people come and watch the movie once.

The only saving grace according to me was the song Dhinka Chika (which is why the movie got that 1 rating out of 10). The song is absolutely crazy and there would be hardly anybody who can't get his heart/foot tapping for the song. It kinda reminds you of the Madrasi cinema and its craziness (in a good way). Its full Apadi Pode feel, takes the song to a different level altogether and is the only reason you might want to watch the movie to be honest.

Overall: Absolutely Rubbish. Don't watch it even if you have free tickets.

Feel-O-Meter: 1/10

PS: 1. I had free tickets to the movie, else i wouldn't have gone anyways. 2. I did not leave the hall only because i had to meet somebody after the movie. Else it would have been my (as far as i can remember) second movie walk out.

This No Tobacco day, Dont smoke, Just Drink.. Cheers

This No Tobacco day, Dont smoke, Just Drink.. Cheers

Hangover 2: 'Absolute'-ly funny but stuck in Vegas

Hangover 2 suffers from the classic problem with sequels, they are stuck with the originals. It is an 'absolute'-ly funny movie but the problem is that comparisons with the original are bound to be made and with every sequence, you are like. Naah the original was better. But not to say that you won't enjoy it, Its essentially the same movie, just replace vegas with Bangkok and everything else remains the same. You can even point, which 'new' characters are the 'old' ones equivalent etc. Don't go with the last movie's 'hangover' and you will enjoy it. Slowish first half but picks up crazily in the second and ends on a high. Recommended to watch 7/10


The plot now shifts to Bangkok and everything else remains the same. In H1, Doug was getting married, in H2 Stu is. In H1 Doug gets misplaced, in H2 Stu's Bro in law Teddy. Rest all too remains the same. Stu falls again for a hooker (with a twist). Replace the baby from H1 with a Monkey. Like H1 Gangsters keep getting introduced. They (again) think that the lost person is kidnapped and find out that he isn't. Ehow they find Teddy is similar to H1. Basically, Every single thing remains the same with a different cast.

Although, the plot remains the same and even the gags and subplots. The story still has some really funny moments. The first half seems like H1 and at the time of interval you feel kinda cheated. You are like 'what the fuck ya, its the same movie only' but wouldn't leave coz you have this 'Chalo yaar next half mein its gonna be better' and it does. The second half comes up with some new crazy sequences and gags. Especially when Chow returns, he just picks up the movie and takes it to a different level altogether

Performance wise, (as expected) Allan (Zach Galifianakis) is the coolest. He has such a funny personality that even when he is doing nothing, he is funny. Ken Jeong as Mr Chow (as already updated) is the pick of the cast after Zach. There is something about him that lights up the screen and he is just amazingly funny even though he only comes for like 10 minutes and two sequences. Takes the cake. Bradley Cooper looks hot, Ed Helms looks the same poor guy. All rest are just about Okay.

Overall, In absolute terms a pretty funny movie, but suffers from the 'hangover' of the first movie's success and replicates just about everything. Still is quite funny. Go watch it with your friends

Feel-O-Meter: 6/10

Kung Fu Pnda 2 : Return of the Awesomenesss

If you have seen KFP, then i am sure most of you would have already seen KFP2 yesterday. The movie is as 'awesome' as the first one. You get the typical KFP oneliners, panda cutenss, goofiness etc etc. KFP has always been a movie which rides on its witty oneliners and the most unprobable hero that you could imagine. If you haven't seen KFP1 then.. ahem.. hmmm.. I guess you should watch it first, that would set the pace for it. All the characters are cool but THE panda is awesommmmme.. The movie just gets a bit slow for a few minutes in the middle, when it starts to get preachy and all and Po starts to get 'visions' of his Mom and Dad, but then it picks up like skadooosh and then doesn't stop. Everything's cool. Just go and watch 8/10









This version is a story of another villain (who happens to be a white peacock) who gets hold of a cannon and starts destroying a town and then, Kung Fu. Po and the Furious Five have to stop them. Po though now believes that he is the dragon warrior but he is still the same physically. The movie also deals with Po's past and 'realization' (though tough to believe!) that he is not his father's (a duck who raised him) son.Then the movie takes a preachy turn of finding 'inner peace' and not worrying about the past and think about the present. Then a bollywood turn, where the villain had killed the parents of Po. And in the end, obviously Po along with the furious five beats the crap out of the villain and all live happily ever after (till the 3rd instalment releases)







As already established, the movie's awesomeness cannot be described in the review, since it rests heavily (very heavily) on situations and amazingly funny lines. The soul of the movie lies in the contradiction of a 'fat panda' being a hero. Just the idea of the panda fighting the bad guys is like, oh oh, is HE gonna fight 'em. Apart from the dialogues, the movie also scores on its vividness of color palette and neat animation. The actions is so quick and the pace of the movie so quick that you hardly notice other things and immerse yourself in the narration. Even though i saw it in 3D, woul,d recommend you to watch the 3D version to enjoy the colors more.





Also, i really really liked Po and the short story of his being fathered by the duck, Those scenes are sooooo awwww and cute that you are like, oh oh, why am i awwwwing so much but you can't seem to help. The young po is sooooo fuckin cute and he keeps eating and eating and eating.. I think those 5 minutes of the movie took the cake and even if you don't like the action bit, you are thoroughly going to enjoy it.





Overall: Do not forget to take your neice/nephew/son/daughter to the movie. In one word, its Awesommmmmmme





Feel-O-Meter: 8/10

Pyaar ka Punchnaama: Packs a 'Punch'

Pyar ka Punchnama as expected (and promoted) is a youthful comedy which keeps you entertained throughout the length of the movie with amazing punchlines, witty one liners, phenomenal dialogues, neat performances and close to heart realities observed by all (yes all not most) men who are or have been in a relationship. The movie rests heavily on its youthfulness and fresh appeal which would draw the young audiences to watch it atleast once. The performances are good and one of the actors Divyendu is FIND of the year. He is superb. Kudos to him and the writer-lyricist-director Luv Ranjan to bring this and serve fresh. A Must Must watch.




PKP is a story of 3 single friends who taste the forbidden fruit of being 'In a relationship'and things get 'Complicated'. One has a possessive 'typical' girlfriend getting onto his nerves. Second is still stuck up in an old relationship and third, a 'friend' who uses the guy like a doormat every now and then. The movie deals is their falling in 'love', realizing the 'gale ki haddi' stuck and then getting 'out of love'. More than the story its the sequences that matter and the small small things that the director adds to bring out the 'Reality of Relationships' make the movie tick.



The Real Hero of the movie according to me is the director Luv Ranjan. The way in which he brings out the 'fun' part from the daily mundane routine things is just phenomenal. He seems to be the friend that you had in your friend circle in college, who always had a witty one liner for something or the other. The guy who would keep you rolling on the floor with his timing and presence of mind. The way the script is written, it doesn't seem like a 2 and a half hour movie and just flows smoothly. Even in the second half when the movie turns on its head, he maintains that balance and the lack of comedy doesn't seem to bore you. Every single scene is like 'O Shit, this is soo true' types. And suddenly the second scene comes and you are like 'Fuck, this is like my story' and it keeps on repeating all throughout. It seems like he has had a real tough time in all his relationships and seems to find the funny part out of the suffering and portrays it onscreen. *Bow*



On the performances front, divyendu steals the cake. He is the one who takes the movie on his shoulder and you almost wait for him to come back and wish that he was the only character in the movie. His speech, his timing, his expressions, his 'feel' is nothing short of brilliance. One of THE finest comic performance that i have seen in a long long time. I just have one feeling for him: Respect. Nushrat Bharucha (LSD Fame) seems such a 'typical' girlfriend that you almost start hating her (if you are a guy). She is pretty good too. Rest all are just good enough for their roles and do not seem to be a misfit anywhere. All's well in the performance department.



Music is the weak link according to me. There is hardly any song that you would remember because of its music though the 'Kutta' track written (again) by Luv Ranjan strikes a chord but more because of its witty lyrics rather than music. If this one area could have been better, the movie could have been a 10/10 may be. Nothing spectacular about the technical departments and to be honest, i hardly noticed anything because i was too engrossed in the movie.



On the negative front, may be there could have been a couple of sequences which could have been avoided in the second half to accomodate a slightly elaborate ending. Towards the end, the movie just concludes (slightly) abruptly and you are like 'Yaar build up to accha tha, but ending thodi aur 'faadu' honi chahiye thi'. Music is not too great. And though the actors are good, it rides mostly on one actor, if the other actors had been better than 'just good enough', it could have been even better.



Overall: A must must watch for everybody. Especially for Divyendu's acting and Luv Ranjan's phenomenal direction and writing. Trust me, much better than the supposed 'comedies' which serve nothing more than cheap double meaning or slapstick shit.



Feel-O-Meter: 8/10



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Burrp. Sorry. Just had some food for thought

Stanley ka Dabba: Verrry Tasty

Stanley ka Dabba is the Taare Zameen Par without the Apologetic Nature of the movie. The movie doesn't make you feel sorry for a 'Different Kid'. It doesn't black mail you anywhere to cry. Its like a breath of fresh air (Excuse the Cliche please). If you have seen 'Children of Heaven' by Majid Majidi you are going to love this one. The movie is sweet, calm, light and makes a point without stressing too much on it. Its one of those movies where you can just go in the cinema hall, immerse yourself in without thinking too much. An absolute recommendation this weekend.
The movie is about Stanley, his dabba gang and his ever hungry teacher. Stanley doesn't bring his own dabba to school since his mother is not in town and has his lunch with his school friends. The 'Khadoos' teacher always scolds him for the same, since he likes to eat the kids' lunch daily himself. Sounds like a stupid plot, right? Wait till you watch the movie. And Be Ready for a twist in the last 5 minutes of the movie. THAT just turns the movie on its head and makes every moment of confusion and wait worth every bit of it. Trust me on this one.

The movie has a strange warmth about it, that is kept up throughout. This warmth gives you a kinda cozy feeling. Its like a quilt in the delhi winters. Its gives you the same feeling that you get, when you are cuddling with some one close. The same warmy/cozy/sweet feeling. I does get nostalgic at more than one occassions but no dose of forced nostalgia is felt anywhere. It does not feel heavy anywhere. Every sequence. Every Dialogue. Everything about the movie was like a relaxing Kerala Ayurveda Massage.

The most brilliant thing about the movie was the 'ease' at which the kids 'acted'. The kids never looked Plasticky like those on TV Serials and Reality Shows. The kinda kids who have grown up too quickly. These kids are different. Its surprising to see them performing the way they do. To be honest, in none of the sequences, it felt as 'acting'. It felt like they were just interacting with each other. Full points to Amol on that. I guess, he would have given the kids a free hand to do what they wanted to do and just given them a broad guideline. I am not even sure if the kids 'knew' they were being filmed. May be they were just rehearsing and Amol shot the sequences. This could have given the 'non-acting' performances by the kids.

To be honest, I don't have words to describe how i feel about the movie. I think whatever i write about the movie, it would not be able to do justice to the movie. Its like an experience more than a movie. Also, on the negative side, for about 15 minutes just before the last 10 minutes of the movie, you start to feel 'whats the point of this movie' and suddenly 'It all starts to make sense'. Those 15 minutes could have been grippier. But that does not take anything away from the movie.

Overall: A Lighthearted, Sweet Movie with no preachiness factored in. Watch it for the sheer coziness of it. Absolute Recommendation

Feel-O-Meter : 8/10

Ragini MMS: All Sleaze No Scare 3/10

Dear Director, I want you to understand one thing clearly, people are not scared of the ghosts which they can 'see'. Its the 'thought of a ghost' which is scary not the 'ghost' per se. No matter, how grear the make up is, in the end, the audience knows it IS make up. So next time you try it, DON'T SHOW THE GHOST !! Ragini MMS was high on expectation, especially when a couple of reviews termed it as 'The Second Scariest Movie in Bollywood', but in the end it turned out to be a 'sleazy ramsay brother's remake' rather than an edge of the seat drama. The movie has a big LSD and other prior hollywood horror movies' hangover and once its been done, it can never be repeated as well as the original. Not recommended at all.


First things First, the movie did not scare me AT ALL. There was absolutely no sequence that i can recall where i was 'scared'. Not even a single 'o Fuck or o shit' moment anywhere. And its not because 'I' was not scared, infact there was no gasps in the whole cinema hall. Infact, a lot of people were cracking jokes at the supposed 'Scary' Moments. So the horror didn't work.

Now, comes the second offering from the movie. Sleaze. It worked a bit at the start especially when you notice the cute Kainaz Motivala in her shorts. But then, it all became too repeated where random kissing sequences became too frequent and the guy's repeated KLPD moments became a norm than an exception. After like the first half an hour, it all looks like a desperate B grade Ramsay Movie than anything else. You seem to get more irritated than excited. Just because the lead actors abuse in every sentence doesn't make the movie 'cool and sexy' too. Its just gets too sleazy and leaves a bad taste in mouth (Pun intended)

As already explained, the 'Ghost' being shown in make up it even less effective and once you have the age old 'A woman was killed in this home' premise makes it even more facepalm-ish. The shaky camerawork tries hard to do a paranormal activity-Blair Witch-LSD-127 hours combination but to be honest, its just an attempt and does not impress anywhere.


On the performance front, RajKumar Yadav if Fantastic. Absolute Killer performance by the guy. 10/10 from me there. Kainaz looks damn damn damn cute, but even the thought of such a beautiful/petite/cute/harmless girl being stuck in a house with a ghost doesn't bring out any emotions given her limited acting abilities which are used to the minimum, barring a couple of long kisses, some cleavage/boob show and yeah, looooooong screams.


Overall: A BIG disappointment. Doesn't Scare. is Sleazy. Tries hard to be too 'experimental' . Has damn good performance by one actor but ends up being a B grade Ramsay Rip off rather than an edge of the seat drama. Give it a Miss.

Feel-O-Meter : 3/10

Poor Osama, he just checked in at Islamabad through the facebook places application and...

Today is both, labour Day as well as Laughter day. No Wonder, when I discussed about the hard work I did, my boss laughed

Shor In the City: Makes the right noise

Shor In the City is a movie which should appeal to almost all types of cinegoers. From the masala lovers to the intellectuals. Whether you are looking for a light hearted entertainer or a realistic feel. Its somewhere between commercial and arty. New Age bollywood meets Masala. Multiplex Audience meets the Seetis types basically. It goes on a pretty decent pace, gets slightly slow in the middle, but picks up in the end quickly to give you that 'it was money well spent' kinda feeling. It has something for everybody. Good direction, Grippy Script, Neat Performances, Nice Music and overall a well packaged movie. So do watch it tomorrow.

The movie's plot revolves around 3 (and a half) stories. One, the story of three friends who are lukkhe bambaiya one of whom has a business of printing pirated books (ethically btw) and who help each other out in times of distress and how they steal a bag from a local train to find a couple of desi guns and an AK 47/56 along with a bomb and their rather funny adventures. Two, a struggling cricketer who wants to marry his girlfriend but doesn't have a career yet since he hasn't been selected in Maharashtra team coz he doesn't have the money to grease palms. Three, a US Return entrepreneur being harassed by some local bhais for extortion. And the half story of the pirated books printing guy (from the first story) and his relationship with his newly wedded wife. And as you would have guessed it, all the stories meet towards the end to complete the picture, even though the protagonists from the 3 stories never meet !! I'm more or less sure that you wouldnt have got a clue of the stories even after my mention here. And to be honest, the movie is not about the stories per se, its about the relationships, the hardships, the funny moments, the crying times and everything in between.
The best part about the movie is that it doesn't try too hard to do anything. It doesn't try to be too funny or too emotional or too apologetic or too 'oh poor baby'ish anywhere. It keeps its balance perfectly and doesn't let you get bored through most parts. Especially the story of the 3 friends and their adventures is very interesting and more than 60% of the 'goods' are delivered in that part particularly. The directors do a perfect job and managing the overall pace of the movie. No where you get that 'arey yaar ab yeh thoda zada ho gya' feeling. It just flows so smoothly that you hardly notice the time. Though i still think that the NRI story could have been done slightly better and it gets boring for say 15 minutes in the middle but quickly picks up its pace in the second half and a power packed climax. All's well that ends well i say.
On the performance front, i think Pitobash (who plays one of the 3 friends from the first story), Take him out and the movie would have fallen on its face. Tushar Kapoor does a decent job as well along with the girl who plays his wife. Hmmm, on second thoughts, even apart from the above mentioned, all the other guys do a good job and nowhere you feeel that such and such person is a miscast or somebody else could have done a better job. Everybody plays one's part exactly the way it should have been played. One of the finest overall performances after i guess Rajneeti last year
Music is brilliant along with the background score. Especially Saibo and Karma is a Bitch (or what ever the song is called). Saibo has such a soothing feel that you feel like listening to it on loop all by yourself sitting in the balcony with no one to disturb, One of the finest songs this year with no 'too much sufi-ish' feel. Just about perfect. I think hardly anybody would be able to hold on to their shoulders while Karma is a Bitch plays. It has that groovy feel that brings a smile on your face when it plays. I couldn't find any problems in any other department too given the fact that the movie went soo smoothly that i hardly noticed anything great or bad.

Overall: A Definite watch this weekend. Watch it for the immaculate direction. Fresh Treatment and Amazing performances.

Feel-O-Meter : 7.5/10

Dum Maaro Dum: Jhel Saale Jhel 4/10

Dum Maaro Dum is a classic example of a good cause gone wrong because of poor direction, acting, script, music and all everything that remotely relates with cinema. On paper it sounded like an interesting storyline, exploring the drug mafia in goa, but add to it the non-direction and you screw it all up. There was absolutely no clue whether the movie was supposed to be action or a suspense thriller or a hodge podge of every masala possible in bollywood. In the end it just remains a 70s movie made in the 2011 which tries everything and fails on most counts. Waste of time and money and you might end up getting more frustrated than you were before you walked in the hall. Miss it.




The problem with the movie was on multiple counts. First and the most prominent was on the direction front, the director had absolutely no clue whether he wanted to make a docu-drama or a masala flick or an action packed adventure or a suspense thriller. So what you do? Try everything and end up making a confused movie. There was too much 70s in the movie, with Zameer ki Awaaz, Mari hui Biwi ki Awaaz, Kabristaan, So many characters, Stupid Suspense (and character names). First he tries to make it a kinda docu-drama on the drugs circle of Goa and takes inspiration from some of the drug/drunk shots from Dev D and tries to make it 'cool' and fails. Then he tries to make it sweet story of a couple who were once in love and fails. Then he tries to make it a melodramatic family died in accident and i am repenting kinda story and fails. He tries to make it a socio-politico-ethical-economic and god knows what else drama and fails.In the end, he wants to make it a suspense thriller where everyone is searching for one guy and which was like the last 'Keel' in the coffin and 'Kills' the movie.



The movie starts with a sweet li'l story of a couple (especially the guy) who wants to go abroad to study and can't go coz he got no money and he gets into the Goa Drug Mafia's haath and screws up his life. Then comes the story of a ex-corrup cop (or a corrup ex-cop or an ex-corrup ex-cop) who has lost his family in a bizarre accident and the dead wife speaks to him on more than one occassion in the film. Then there is a love story of a couple wherein the girl has left the guy to be a pseudo-rakhail of the kingpin of the drug mafia. Add to that, some cheap sex, loads of drug addiction, nigerian-algerian-russian-british-local drug mafia and their problems and a character who nobody knows anything of. A lot to digest? Wait till you watch the movie.



On the performance front, Abhishek tries his best (or worst) at the Raavan inspired hamming and does it the way only he can. Bipasha does what she is supposed to do. Flaunt some cleavage, wear a white shirt (look ma, no pants), show those digitally (or surgically) enlarged breasts and other muscles and hmmm.. thats it. Prateik does a good job being whatever he was supposed to be but who cares right? Rana Dagubatti could have delivered a good performance and would have won the best actor award if there were only two heroes left in the industry- him and john abraham. The dubbed hindi voice doesnt help. There are a few others who i don't even remember so just leave it at that and Deepika's trashy dance number makes you almost puke, so i guess better not to say anything on that front too.



Music is bad and tries to ride on a single song 'Te Amo' which plays like 15986 times in the movie as a background score. Rest nothing to mention. Enough has been said about the lyrics, so won't waste anytime there. The cinematography tried a Dev D but a copy is a copy right? The awkward angles became too awkward in the end and did not do anything for me. Script had absolutely no clue, there were characters being introduced every 15 minutes and nobody gave a damn about it. It jumps from here and there and does not make any point.



It was a good movie on paper with a strong story but the direction (or lack thereof) killed it. Make it again without the glamour and big star cast on a small budget. I am sure it will be a bigger success and a better movie. A bit tad long too. The movie has a couple of moments here and there which are like good but then all that is washed away coz of all the style which the director just wanted to be there. So sab kare dhare pe paani types.



Overall: Would Not Recommend to anybody, especially given the summer. Take out some old Hindi Movie and watch it on DVD at home.



Feel-O-Meter: 4/10

Given the condition of other games, 'Sorry' should be filled in the forms 'Asking for which state you play for

Given the jams and bottlenecks maybe someone could change the spelling to infra-STUCK-ture

3 Thay Bhai: The Brotherhood of Bakwaas 2/10

Given the fact that there were some of the finest actors in the industry today like Om puri, deepak dobriyal and Shreyas Talpade, i was quite excited about the movie even though the promos didn't seem quite promising. But to be honest, its one of the worst movies i have seen in recent times. it makes even Tanu Weds Manu seem like a masterpiece. The Trying hard performances by the lead actors doesnt seem to compensate for the lack of script. Its a one line storyline which tries very hard to rest on performances but when even the gags are not funny, there is little that the performances can do as well. Its just a bad movie with a bad script and complete lack of direction or sense. It seems heavy on you and with in the first half of the first half itself, i was like WTF why can't it end already. I tried hard hard and really hard to survive the whole length of the movie and don't think most would have the similar amount of courage and patience. Don't Watch it even if someone pays for your ticket.






The movie is about 3 brothers who hate each other (apparently for some kiddish things happened in their childhood) and whose dead grandfather leaves them a real estate which may be theirs if they can spend 1 day every year at the estate together. Two years go by and the third year at the same day, they are trying to spend the day together and a number of things happen which are neither interesting nor funny. It is just a pathetically stretched version of the director going 'hey what do i do now, i still have 2 hours left'. And he starts depiction of supposedly funny 'situations' one after the other. You are like, What the F is happening and more importantly, Why the F is this happening. There is no connection between one scene and the other. Even though the actors try their level best and do not disappoint in their personal performances, the lack of story/script leaves you disappointed AND irritated.







Suddenly, the movie goes in flash back, then comes back, suddenly there are new characters which are introduced which are sillier than the story itself. The movie tries to be intelligent, emotional, slapstick and fails on all counts. You just can't seem to decide what and why is happening. It seems like a college (or rather a School) Skit being performed on screen and to be honest, i have seen much much better skits in my school-college days than this. You can't just take good actors and put them in a bad movie and expect audiences to watch.







There is absolutely nothing in the movie to be excited about. Music is horrible, Background score as irritating as Kangana Ranaut screaming 'you baskeettttttttttt', Direction (or lack there of) is nowhere to be found, Story Script is non existent, Characters are not lovable. Absolutely nothing except decent performances by all 3 which can't seem to hold attention of the audience in the stupidity of narration anyways.







Overall, one of the worst movies i have seen. Left me more irritated than disappointed. Don't watch even if you get free tickets.







Feel-O-Meter : 2/10

Dear RCB, Ghar ki daaru hone ke baad bhi don't know when your HAPPY hours will begin

Q. If bobby darling goes to US, where would he/she live?
A. Middle-Sex ;)

Rio: Flightless

Rio, is a tale of a 'domesticated' at the verge of extinction bird called Blue and his adventures/misadventures in Rio. The movie proves a very basic point that no matter how much you market an average movie, it still remains an average movie. Rio was supposed to be the next big animation movie but proves to be just another average happy go lucky, some good moments kinda movie. There are its own moments, but they are far and few. It gives you multiple opportunities to go out and grab some popcorn which essentially is not a sign of a great animation feature. Its not bad but just isn't cool enough. You may like it in parts and not hate it anywhere but still don't love it. To sum up, just your usual Animation feature with a couple of cute moments and largely average. Avoid if you can or take the kids along in a HAVE TO situation.

Blu is a Domesticated (supposedly last male Blue Macau on the planet) Bird which cannot fly. He understands everything 'human' and nothing 'birdly' and lives with his best friend/owner Linda in Minnesota. One fine day, an ornithologist Tulio comes from Rio and tells that in order to save the species they need to take Blu to Rio and make him mate with Jewel the last female Blue Macau. Linda agrees, Blue goes to rio, Meets with Jewel who is exactly his opposite, is fierce, loves freedom etc etc. Now the movie takes a Rom-Com Turn where Blu and Jewel hate each other first, then become friends, then fall in love, then fight, separate and then get reunited. Also throw in a few bird catchers who want to capture the last two blue macaus to sell them off and Beautiful Scenery of Rio and the Carnival etc etc.

The good part about the movie is the colors pallette used. The whole feel of the movie is very vibrant with the screen lighting up with the reds, blues, yellows, greens and is an absolute treat to watch. The Animation (given the current standards) is pretty amazing too. There are a few 'awww moments' here and there too, which come after every 10 minutes and you are not bored enough to leave the cinema hall. The characters are kinda cute, but none are remembered after leaving the hall, which i guess is the most important factor in the success of a animation movie. I mean you remember Shrek, Woody, Wall-E, Nemos of the world but not Blu or Jewel. Infact i had to google to figure out what was the name of the Female Lead :P

The bad part as i said that its just not good enough to remember anything about the movie per se. From the very start you know what the story is going to be like and the lack of 'OMG Moments' makes it kinda flat. There is no up down graph or a rollercoaster excitement anywhere. Its just too smooth for an animation feature. The characters don't stay with you when you come out of the hall. There is absolutely no edge of the seat excitement. The love is not lovey enough, the fun is not funny enough, the excitement seems too forced in and overall it looks more like a Rio Tourist Council advertisement rather than a 'story' about the Blue Macaus in love. The whole Rio bit is done a bit too much i guess.

Overall: Just an Average Animation Feature. Nothing too Great. Nothing too Bad.

Feel-O-Meter: 5/10

Irony of life explained by my mother: "Jab daant the to baadam nahi the, ab baadam hain to daant nahi hain

Q. Kiski patang kabhi nahi kat ti?
A. Ratan Tata, coz he's got all the MANZA

Look at the irony, with all those jokes on he can do this, he can do that. His name is Rajni-Can't

Sometimes i feel the word woman was misspelt. It was originally supposed to be woe-man

Everybody who's seen the fighter is requested to recall christian bale's full name. Im sure you'll burst laughing. :P
A. Dicky EkLund

The Fighter : Packs a Punch

The Fighter is not your typical 'Rocky' movie. Its not about training hard or rising when you are down type of a movie. It is hardly about boxing to be honest. Boxing just provides the landscape or the setting. The movie is more about the relationships between the boxer with his half brother, mother and girlfriend. Its about what happens outside the ring more than what happens inside. The best thing about the movie (as most of you would be aware already) are the performances. This is a movie which rides on the performances rather than the story or the direction or the script. Its individual brilliance that takes precedence. Especially Christian Bale. He is simply brilliant in his oscar winning portrayal of a Crack Addict Ex-Boxer Dickey Eklund. Take him out of the movie and its just an average hollywood flick. Include him in and its one of the finest ever. Watch it for Bale. You wont be disappointed. Treat to watch.

The movie is about Mickey Ward, a boxer (ill)trained by his half brother Dicky Eklund (Bale)and (mis) managed by his Mother (Mellisa Leo in her oscar winning role). How he has always been living in the shadow of the two and sometimes wants to break free and get what he deserves. On the other hand, Dicky wants his brother to win but is a crack addict and is not able to give him what he is capable of. The mother thinks she knows best but thats what she thinks and not what really is. Its about how they fall apart, almost ending Mickey's career and how they come together as a family again and (obviously) make him the champ.

Christian Bale is the reason, the movie is, what it really is. I am running short of adjectives to describe his performance. He plays the role of a crack addict Ex boxer Dickey minus the hamming of typical crack addict performances such amazingly well that you go oh my god. Moreover, his commitment to the character shows in his performance and especially the way he has moulded himself physically for the character. I am sure he must have lost 30-40 pounds (may be more) just to look like the character. He doesn't look like the batman we are supposed to identify with. The very first scene appears and you are like, what the heck, Is this Christian Bale? and That's the beginning. The movie just lights up whenever he is on screen. The best part (as already mentioned) is the subtelty by which he plays the role without the typical over the top crack addict portrayals. Another thing that strikes you about his performance is in the last 60 seconds when the 'real' Dickey appears when the credits are rolling and says a couple of sentences. Then you are like 'What the Fuck, he looks exactly like him and speaks exactly like him too'. This is the time you realize the brilliance of his performance. He has moulded himself physically, mentally and even speech-wise to match the real Dickey. This is when you realize the commitment of Bale towards the role. And this is when you feel the respect for the portrayal more than the adulation.

Mellisa Leo's performance also moves you but i am not sure if its the typical Oscar Winner. She was good nonetheless not sure if she deserves an oscar there since i haven't seen any of the other nominations' movies. Mark Wahlberg plays the his not aggressive, calm, serious role aptly and doesn't seem to overact and actually underplays his part which was kind of required as well. Amy Adams does a good job in her kind of possessive girlfriend portrayal too. But for me it was Bale all the way.

To be honest, apart from the performances, it was just about above average in every other department, no oh my god stuff in any other department. Though i must mention that i really liked the fight sequences shot in a typical 'real life boxing match' manner rather than being 'rocky-ish' larger than life and with slow motions and all. Really liked the straight forward manner in which the fight scens were shot making it look more like a documentary rather than a hollywood flick. Thumbs up there. But nothing great anywhere else, according to me.

Overall: A Must Watch because of Christian Bale's brilliant performance and commitment to a character

Feel-O-Meter: 8/10

Black Swan: Not a movie but an Experience

Okay first things first. The movie is one of the finest that i have seen in the past 5 years or even beyond. So if you want you may stop reading right now and start booking the Tickets. There is nothing about the movie i did not like. Every single thing. Every Single Frame. Every Single Twist. Every Single Turn. Screenplay, Direction, Performances, Cinematography, Art Direction, Background Score. Every single thing was absolutely perfect. Natalie portman delivers a once in a lifetime performance and is absolutely wonderful. This is one of the very few movies which actually got me so badly hooked that i had goosebumps and was almost trembling in excitement. It was as if the movie was taking place 'inside' me. Its like watching a play from the wings (if you havent been on stage then as if you are watching it from the first row). I can go on and on and on (and will) So just book it as soon as possible. Don't waste the movie on a DVDrip. Please watch it in a theater near you because that is where it deserves to be experienced.

Black Swan is the story of a ballerina who is trying to portray a once in a lifetime role of a white AND black swan. She has everything which takes to be the 'white' swan but does not have the darkness needed to be the black swan. The movie is about her being transformed from the white swan to the black swan on-stage as well as off-stage. How the play takes over her life and how the transformation takes place. How she goes from being her mother's cute little girl to a complete bitch. Now whether her real life is taking over her performance or her performance is taking over her real self. That is the question. This is just an introduction since i do not disclose much on the story in most of my reviews. Watch it to believe it. The story is a starting point where the brilliance begins.

As already updated, Natalie delivers the performance of her life. I mean its hard to believe that she is the same girl who once played Padme Amidala in Star Wars as a 15 year old youngster. She has matured so much and it shows. I cant think of anybody else who could have played the role better than her. May be Hillary Swank but she is too hard for the 'white swan' and NAtalie is just brilliant. She is so believable in the role. She has worked so hard on the part learning ballet etc and all her hardwork pays and shows on screen. Her performance takes the film to a different level altogether. *Respect*

The Screenplay is the next star attraction. The movie has some of the best edge of the seat moments. Last year i thought shutter island had the same magic but this beats it by far and i mean by far. Every single frame. Every single Twist and Turn is just purely magical. There are no 30 seconds where you could take a sip from your cold drink (which literally happened with me, i could not finish even half of my cold drink through out the movie). Absolute Gem.
The Direction is phenomenal, the art direction (especially given the fact that only white, black and pink were used mostly ) is superb and the background score was ohhh my god. There are hardly any other instrument except a violin and a piano is used and still it weaves such a magic around the film that it almost feels like the central character. I dont think the movie would have had such an amazing effect had it not had the most brilliant background score possible.
Overall : Its an experience rather than a movie. Absolutely brilliant from start to finish.

Feel-O-Meter: 10/10 (Yes, i couldnt find a single wrong thing about the movie so can't deduct a single point anywhere)

PS: I was so excited to write the review that i cancelled everything and rushed back home just to write the review. Though i watched The Fighter earlier than this but still thought this deserved to have been written about before :)

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Tanu Weds Manu: Rubbish, Trashy, Worst Movie of the 'Next' 5 years

TWM is one of the worst movies i have seen in recent times. For one, it has Kangana Ranaut who hams even more than Dada Muni in clerk and is absolutely the most irritating portrayal by any actress in Indian Cinema EVER. She is just absolutely rubbish. Then the movie has got no sense from start to finish. The Story is good on paper but then bad dialogues, worse casting, cacophonous music, hiccups-like narration spoils what could have been a good movie (given the good story). I can safely say that it is going to be the worst movie of the 'next' five years, given the fact that it is just not possible to make a movie as bad as this. Overall a Must Must Avoid at any cost. Even if the tickets are offered for free.

Okay, let me start with the good things first (only because there is hardly anything that i liked). Madhavan was very nice and sweet in his role which was supposed to be nice and sweet. The girl who plays Kangana's bihari friend was damn good. The Song Saddi Galli was rocking. The Story (on paper) was pretty neat. Hmmm.. Thats about it i guess.

Now coming to the problems. First and the foremost, Kangana Ranaut is not an actor in any sense of the word. She can only scream 'you baastaaaaaaad' and play a psychotic drug addict (which i guess is not 'acting' but her being her own self) and just can't do anything else (even with the new boobs she just got). She is so fucking irritating that she makes jimmy shergill look like al pacino. She just hams, hams and hams. Director: Kangana, look cute. Kangana Hams. Director: Kangana, look hot. Kangana:L Hms, Director: Kangana, laugh, Kangana : Hams. I mean that dumb actor has same expression for every fuckin emotion possible in this world (or even beyond). Her mere presence on the screen irritates you so much that you forget about any or everything going on.

The Dialogues are the worst in the past 10 years. I mean, even Joginder Movies have better dialogues than this piece of shit. Mithun's movies look like master pieces and literary art. I mean bandar-bandariya and what not was there and you seem to laugh your asses off (ok not really, since you get very irritated) at every emotional sequence throughout.

The Screenplay is shit too. Suddenly you are in one city, then hop to another doing a different thing altogether. Then back in some other city and the best part is the ending. I mean who the fuck wrote that, haan? Dolly Bindra? Yes, i am spoiling it for you by telling you what happens in the end since anyways i dont want you to go and watch this piece of trash. The two Heroes take Two separate baraats at the same time to marry the girl. And then one (supposedly) macho man takes out the gun to shoot the other and then one senti dialogue and he decides to sacrifice his love. Arrrrrrrrgh.. I wish that gun was pointed at me and boom.

Music is the most horrible and cacophonous music i have heard in a long time to the point that it doesnt qualify as music. (Except Saddi Galli ofcourse, which is more like an Item Song and is fuckin awesome). Every song is like An Arrow coming out of Arjun's Bow and just kills you word by word. Bad writing, Bad Music, Bad singing. Just plain Bad.

There is no direction. The movie runs as if the producers-cameraman-songwriter-chaiwala-spotboy all took turns to direct different scenes 'Chal ab meri baari' types. And the characters are just not in their character. I mean for god's sake, Jimmy Shergill is a lucknow guy who behaves like a Punjabi jatt for most and suddenly speaks a couple of urdu words to remind us, ohh haan he is from lucknow remember.

I can go on and on and on. But will stop here.

Overall: Worst movie for the next 5 years except Madhavan and That bihari girl's acting and Saddi Galli

Feel-O-Meter: 2/10 (To be honest, i soo want to give it a Zero but Madhavan ka chehra saamne aa jata hai isliye 2/10)

To be honest, if sense if humour was ACTUALLY on top of women's priority list. Raju Srivastav would have had the hottest wife and hefner would have been a loner.

iPad 2: Ab dugna geelapan sokhe (Taglines Gone wrong)

The way gadaffi is f**kin Libya, it should be declared as a cunt-ry

7 Khoon Maaf: Killer Instincts

7 Khoon Maaf is a dramedy which is another gem from (my most favorite director) Vishal Bhardwaj. Almost everything about the movie is brilliant. The Story is fresh, Characters are Iinteresting, Narration Quick, Direction controlled, Performances nothing short of fascinating. Even though you already know what's going to happen (Its not a brainer that she is going to kill all her husbands), the movie still keeps you interested as to How and Why it will happen. All the stories have nothing common nor anything is repeated anywhere which doesn't let your mind wander. Though i wish that there were no songs, neil nitin mukesh and john abraham, i am still a very satisfied fan. Must Watch.

The fact that moved the most about the movie was not its comic sense but rather the tragic story of Susanna. How she is just a simple girl trying to find her true love and Every single time she marries, she has that little hope somewhere that she might find her perfect match and live happily ever after. But life has different plans for her. I actually am very sympathetic towards the character since (as i said) just looking for love. How unfortunate she is, that something that everybody gets, she gets 7 times over but everytime she gets it, she has to end it herself. Imagine her pain every single time. That is something i really moves me in the story. I don't feel pity for even a single Man who is killed, but every time one is killed, A part of Susanna is also killed with him. Those 7 murders are not of susanna's husbands but of susanna herself.

As most would be already aware, the movie is based on Ruskin Bond's (who incidentally does a cameo in the movie as well) Susanna's Seven Husbands, where the lead character (obviously) kills her 7 husbands one by one. The thing to know is how and more importantly how. The movie is all about the curiosity of what's gonna happen next and more importantly what happens in the end. Is she a culprit or Is she a victim? Does she live happily ever after or behind bars?

The most important aspect of the movie (apart from the story and narration) are the performances. Every single Actor (yes please exclude Neil Nitin Mukesh and John Abraham here) delivers a power packed performance. Starting with Ms Chopra, She hasn't really been my favorite actress (none is to be honest) but i still prefer her to the sonams and deepikas of the world. To me, this should get her All the awards next year (category could be best villain or best actress depending on the jury's sensibilities) and (maybe) a national award too. She captures the essence of the character through all the different age brackets she plays. No points for guessing that Naseeruddin Shah and Irrfan Khan are fabulous too but the pick of the actors (out of the husbands) for me was Annu Kapoor. He is just simply amazing. Naseer's son Vivaan disappoints though. I just wish VB had taken a 'real actor' than a Star Son for such an important role given the fact that the movie moves further through his narration only.

Loved almost everything about the movie including the fabulous dialogues, background score, cinematography, set design etc except from the fact that i wish there were no songs. To me, the songs stopped the flow of the movie in between and were acting like commercial breaks in a cricket match. None of the songs actually add any value to the narrative (unlike VB's classic Omkara). Also, Neil Nitin Mukesh and John Abraham are absolutely waste of two stories. NNM should get a cue from this one that he just can't act especially in tough roles. His voice is just too squeaky, He is just too thin and girly for a manly role like a Air Force officer. John (despite his rock star image) didn't look like a rock star. Such a phenomenal character and opportunity and the bugger just wasted it. ANY other actor could have nailed it in the role. Anyways, i am still very happy about the movie despite these things.

Overall:  A Must Must Watch for VB's brilliance. Fabulous Narrative. Kick Ass performances and especially for Susanna

Feel-O-Meter: 9/10

PS: Would love to understand your version of the 7th husband given the fact that she just kills 6 once you watch the movie ;)

PPS: I am kinda too feely about the movie right now so the review might not appear coherent, grammatically correct or might even not make sense at all. Kindly adjust ;)

If Sachin is God, Sehwag is Devil. Atleast for the opposition

Thinks the phrase 'Apne PAIR pe kulhadi' chalaana would apply to most actresses. No?

Hawwjoke of the day: With the WAGs not being around, most cricketers will be doing kalaaiyon ka sahi istemaal off the field, no?

Patiala House : Hit Wicket

Patiala House is one of those movies which tries to combine two things Indians may die (as well as Kill) for. Cricket and Bollywood. Especially given that world cup fever is catching up, the timing could not have been better as well. But the bottom line is the movie has to be 'made' good as well. The movie had an absolutely amazing storyline. Terrific performance by Rishi Kapoor. But is weak on narration. The movie has its moments but which are far and few. It suddenly goes up and then drags along. Then again goes up and then drags along. Overall, One time watch but not exciting enough as you would have expected.

Patiala House is the story of a 34 year old Ex-Fast Bowler who has a stubborn, control freak father who has decided that his son will not play for England. The son doesn't play and runs a Department Store. Because of his father's attitude, All in the family convince him to go for trials and play for the country so that his father could let them live their dreams as well. This is the basic storyline with about 20 odd family members whom you can hardly remember or associate with.

The movie had a pretty interesting cast as well as the storyline but the script and direction killed it. The movie has its moments here and there, but they are far and few. You start enjoying the movie and suddenly it falls flat. Then it picks up and then again falls. In the end you are unable to decide whether you like this movie or hate it. There is nothing great to love, but there is nothing irritating about it so you don't hate it too. You somehow are 'just about satisfied' with how the things turn out.

The high point of the movie is Rishi Kapoor. He delivers an absolute cracker of a performance. You hardly expect him to play a stubborn sardaar ji and he does it with so much elan that you almost hate him for being himself. Deserves a nomination as the 'Best Villain' this year already i say. Anushka Sharma is pretty good too. She does well in her cute role and doesn't feel too crazily bubbly as well. Akshay Kumar was a waste since he hardly fits the soft spoken, scared middle aged  son's character. There is a new guy who plays Akshay's cousin (Puneet) is a newcomer to watch out for. I could see streaks of Prashant and KK Menon in his cameo.

The music (apart from a song or two) is absolutely rubbish. The background score wasn't too great either. Nikhil Advani seems to have his Kal Ho na ho hangover still and it was quite obvious in more than a couple of scenes. It looks like a Kal Ho Na Ho family in UK (in place of US). Could have made a pretty amazing movie out of the subject given the performances but it just is a 'decent' movie.

Overall : An Average movie which offers a few 'worth watching' moments but nothing great to write home about except Rishi Kapoor's performance. Feel Good movie which may be watched  (but only once) with family.


Feel-O-Meter: 6/10

Food for Thought: I think casting akshay was the biggest mistake. If only, there was (say) Hrithik Roshan in the lead role it could have been a different movie altogether. You like to see Akshay as a Macho Man doing wonders/stunts rather than being a meek soft spoken guy. I think Hrithik could have played the transformation bit very convincingly.

To be honest, I think it should be called valentine's night for obvious reasons

"Bhai, bhabhi to maal hai yaar" isnt exactly the best congratulations message to a friend on his marriage

Dear priyanka chopra, im sure now u'v realized that in india 7 khoon maaf ho sakte hain but tax evasion nahi

I was planning to write a post called '10 Reasons why i love Pamela Anderson'. And then i realized, why waste 8 !!

Dear Credit rating agencies, if you are Moody or your standards are poor. No wonder nobody gives a shit about what you say

Yeh Saali Zindagi: Guy Ritchie Masala with Indian Tadka

YSZ is a romantic comedy dramatic thriller which keeps you on your toes for most of its length. The story is very complicated and involves far too many characters you can remember. But its all worth it in the end. Its full guy ritchie's masala but in pure dilli style full of haryanvi slangs. Irrfan Khan is at his awesome best and takes the majority of the film's burden on his shoulder. Though gets slow in the middle when you are like, come on get over with it and tell me what's gonna happen in the end. But a Definite Watch nonetheless.

More than being complicated, the plot has too many things happening simultaneously. Too many 'ditching' one party and moving to another type stuff. Its a gangster movie with a dash of comedy, romance and also keeps that thriller angle to keep you on the edge of your seats. Well, let me try to explain. A loves P, who loves S, who is getting married to V a minister's daughter. K is a small time gangster married to S who works for B. B wants K to kidnap V and S so that he can be out of jail. C, the younger brother of B wants to kill B. Now K instead of kidnapping S and V, kidnaps S and P and A gets involved in the whole process. Now whether, if yes then how and who all live happily ever after is the trick.. Too complicated? Wait till you watch the movie.. OK, i am exageratting. It sounds too many stories and characters but its all fun and you hardly seem to notice these.

On the performance front, Its Irrfan all the way. Saurabh Shukla does well and Chitrangada (obviously) looks as yummy as she is. Arunodaya Singh is pretty decent and newbie Aditi Rao hydari is ammmmmazingly cute. Mind you, she acts well too, watch out for her. A Talent like Prashant is wasted in such a trivial role.

The highpoints of the movie is its pure and realistic treatment without getting boring. Its being true to the Dilliyapa. The locations, The dialect, the nuances, the words used, the gaalis, every single thing is exactly the way it happens. Its almost, as if you are witnessing events rather than watching a movie. Direction is grippy. Full points to the Dialogues as well as the complicated script. The Amazingly well written cuss words, anecdotes, advices are just out of the world and will leave you rolling in your chair laughing.

On the negative side, Backgrouns score is weak. Songs are pathetic. But hey the movie is not about songs and dance anyways, right? Gets a bit slow in the middle when storys after storys start getting involved and you are like, 'oh come on, nothing new now please, lets get it done and tell me what happens in the end' types. Crop by about 15 minutes and you have a cracker.

Overall: A Definite Watch especially if you are from north india/delhi and don't mind free flowing dialogue delivery with crazily funny cuss words.

Feel-O-Meter: 8/10 (Although some might find it 7, 1 extra for the wise one liners )

PS: The last 10 minutes are absoltely kick ass. Do not miss :)

Doesn't the kala ghoda festival sound more like an orgy invite rather than an arts festival :P

To girlfriend: yeh tera zikr hai, ya itr hai.... To wife: yeh tera zikr hai, ya FIKR hai ;)