"If men are from Mars and Women from Venus.

Then, Earth pe kya Family Planning ke liye aaye the???"

De Dana Dan : Confused, Crazy, Exaggerated, Stupid and i loved it

The movie is a typical priyadarshan, where chaos and confusion prevail upon logic and story. Situations take precedence over script. It has more than 25 characters and almost 5-6 different stories all taking place at the same time. It is a crazy laugh riot and did not let me relax even for 5 minutes. I was just laughing and laughing all through out. Fulltoo paisa vasool and time pass. Do go with a bunch of crazy friends. And ya, Do watch out for the climax. Its so stupid and yet so funny.

Okay, First things first, If you the intellectual cinema lover, Do not even read this review and watch a documentary insteadl. If you are a crazy cinema fan who loves David Dhawan and Priyadarshan genre, then also stop reading this and book tomorrow's tickets. Its a crazy movie (and i mean it in a good way) full of funny situations and slapstick. Must watch according to me. Another Do knot disturb or All the Best this year. Another thing that i liked was that, The stars were not given any unnecessary bhavs. They were treated like characters and according to the requirement time and space was allotted to them, which did it for me.

Plot: Well, the movie starts with a Dog kidnapping plan, and then travels across atleast half a dozen storylines and almost 25 characters. Numerous funny situations. But credit must be given to the writer, who could actually write all that chaos and confusion and still not get confused himself. I kept asking my friend, who is he, who is she, why is he here, what is she doing with him etc etc. But honestly, i dint really care about all that in the end.

Performances: Akshay and Suniel (surprisingly) dont even have that long a role, especially in the second half when paresh rawal takes over the show with johny lever and others. They are simply awesome. Katrina and the other girls have their moments of looking pretty (but dumb) and they do it with ease. All the 25+ characters did their job pretty good. No complaints there too.

Technicals : I think i made it very clear that its a situational comedy. So wont even bother writing about cinematography etc. Next question please.

Music: Paisa Paisa has that groovy, hip hop-ish feel. Rishte naate is hummable. I HAVE to mention another song which goes like, " Feel me, touch me, hold me, i am your naughty babe in town" picturized on Neha Dhupia. It is hilarious. Its just soo funny i cant explain. Rest of the songs(if any) i dont even remember.

Positives: Edge of the seat excitement, Sense between chaos and confusion, Amazing comic timing. Some really funny dialogues and situations.

Negatives: Same as above. Because there is nothing except what is mentioned above. The confusion might actually frustrate you at times when you cant keep a track of whats happening.

Overall : Typical situational comedy with some really funny sequ3nces

Feel-O-Meter: 7/10 ( I know most would treat this as high. But mujhe full feel aa gayi. I was rolling in my seat almost at every stupid sequence. So for me, it deserves an extra 2 for those extra silly moments which did the trick for me)

Been almost a week since i am having this block.
As if I am staring at the mirror and am being mocked..
So called 'creativity; out of the window, Wit ka Bulb bhi ho gaya hai fuse.
May be i need somebody to inspire, A friend or better still a Muse !!!!

Andaz Apna Apna Quotes

Collection of most dialogues i could remember or find.. Kick Ass i say!!!

* Main Jaanta tha.. Main Jaanta tha

* Teja Main hoon, Mark Idhar hai.

* Main Teja hoon kyunki mera naam bhi Teja hain

* Nahii.. Ghutna Nahi.. Ghutna Nahi..

* Arey. Udhar idhar kya dekhte hain. Idhar udhar dekhiye.. Idhar udhar..

* Happy Budday Robert

* Nahi Nahi tum lo. Tumhari budday hai. tum lo

* Lagta hey katcha khiladi hai yeh.

* Na surat, na shakal, na akal. Jise dekho chala aa raha hai

* Unkey ek ek sawal hamarey do dod jawab...Sawal Ek Jawab Do. sawal jawab sawal jawab...chupp.......

* Jhakaaass...shabash cheetey, shabaash...ab aya hy oonth pahaar k nichey..

* Gogo Sahab, aapka ghaghra.

* Teesri baar tu khush hua tha. Jab tune apni maami ke ghaghre ka naada....

* Langde Baapu.. Langde baapu

* Robert : aapne bataya nahin sir, aaj mera bday hai.

* Ye bichhu ka zeher hain. Pinewala 2 hi minute main pila hokar nila ho jata hain. Kifayati aur bharosemand!

* Dhak ki tiki dhak ki tiki dhak ki tiki dhak ki tiki,,,dhaa....isme toh ek hee goli thi!!!

* Bread ka badhshah ur amlet ka rajja BAJAJ humara BAJAJJJJJJ !!!!!

* Robert: Phir Sir aap kyon nahi gaye London???
Teja: Kaise jaata main? kaise jaata....? Kya mujhe London dekhne ka mann nahi hai kya? kaise jaata...? Pehle uss Mugambo ka dus karor ka gaphla kar baitha ab uska bhatija crime master Gogo mujhe dhundh raha hai... usse kisi tarah bach raha hoon! aur doosra apna munim Harisha...nkar tha na... uska maine galti se game kar diya... lekin achcha hua... bahut bore karta tha saalaa, hameshaa dharm-karm ki baatein karta tha... bahut bore karta tha... achcha hua uska bhi game ho gaya...!!!

* Abhi Aap.. Piyo.. Arey piyo piyo.. Peeta hai ya lagaoo sir pe ek. Abey peeta hai ya lagaoo bum pe ek

* Uncle aa gaye , Uncle aa gaye. Uncle humne apni jaan par khel ke bachaya hai... aaiye aaiye uncle .. yahaan aage aaiye , are phir main chalaoonga kaise.. uncle beech main aaiye.. uncle uncle 'Dandi' pe baithiye.

* Ye dekh... ye dekh... ye dekh...

* Kya namaste,namaste?? dawat pe aye ho kya???

* Sir, Yeh Vasco da Gama ki Gun hain.

* Siir lakh lakh ke pachas cheque hoyenge...

* Yeh Teja Teja Kya Hai??? Ye Teja Teja .....??

* Ailaa !! Seeta aur Geeta ??!! Seeta aur Geeta nahi be, Raam aur Shaam. Han han wohi wohi :))

* Khandaani chor hun main, khandaani... Mogambo ka bhateeja GOGO :))

* Raveena ki maa mai aa raha hoon!!

* Goli nahin thi toh bataya kyun ...

* Aankhen nikaal kar gotiya khelunga....

* KISKE Mama ki Gun hain!!!

* abe ye firauti ka paisa hai ya maiyat ka chanda

* Main darta nahin, bas thoda sa gabrata hoon.

* chal chal...uttar niche...godiwale...

* ye dekh goga, in heero'n ko aakhri baar dekh le! tere kisse se ek aur naya kissa jud jayegaa ... haath ko aaya par muh na laga

* mera boss??....kaun hai mera boss???....mera boss kaun hai????

* Babulal kaha tha kaan sabhal k katna

* Kaun sa mark re .... kahe ka mark yaar... Teja main hoon safed Ramu ... Main Teja hoon.........Teja Main hoon mark idhar hai !!!!! BHaad mein gaya mark ... main idhar hoon na yaar

* yeh topi aapne New York se kharidi hai? nahi America se.. accha accha mujhe laga New York se..

* Sala circus ka retired bandar lag raha hai.

* sala shakal se to bidi ke kharkhane ka majdoor lagta hain..........!

* sir shakkar dalnai ka time ho gaya?

Is baar mohabbat ka irada hai mausiki se..
Iqraat na bhi kare toh kya hua, kamskam dagaa to na degi

Tum Mile : (Surprisingly!!) Survivable..

Well. This was my first emran hashmi movie and yes. I just about made through. Its a very average movie but ya, you can survive through it, provided you keep an open mind and stop looking at actors(obv you have to think long and hard to watch an emran hashmi starrer) and noticing characters. The characters are very well written. Script is not too loose. Storyline is pretty simple but intriguing. Performances are pretty average (but i obv was not expecting an oscar winner here anyways). Music is very nice (Infact thats one of the main reason i actually saw this movie). Overall not the worst movie ever made. If you have to watch it, you can.

But somehow i felt that the love story was much more interesting than the 25/7 setting. If the setting can be discounted and movie remade with a better star cast and only the love story. I think it can work ammazingly well. A few moments were actually touching. The love story is very well thought of. And most will actually be able to relate to it. The 25/7 background (i believe) was only there to create hype, and was not required. Infact, that works as a distraction from the main story. Make it again with better actors and without the 25/7 background and i will watch it a few times over.

Plot: The plot revolves around a live-in couple who have their share of laughs and fights and end up separating only to meet again during 25/7(Quite filmy.. I know). During that one night they realize that they are made for each other and has a happy ending with a few (unrequired) twists and turns. Just get rid of the 25/7 setting please.

Performances: Soha does a pretty above average job(Given that i did not expect her to be able to 'act' at all). Although i cannot tolerate Emraan at all, but i tried my level best to not be biased because of my personal dislike and infact i kinda liked what he did. The guy acts in his limited capacity and does not go overboard at all, which i seemed to liked. Rest there is nobody else anyways in the cast.

Music: I quite liked a couple of songs. Especially the title track. I think it was damn neat. Also Dil Ibadat and Tu hi haqeeqat are worth mentioning.

Technicals: Very ordinary. They could have done a much better job while creating the 25/7 sequences. But that obviously would have required some more spending which i am not sure would have been allowed. Rest nothing worth mentioning.

Positives: Neat Story. Decently tight script. Does not lose its pace mostly. Okayish performances. No hickups. Pretty smooth actually.

Negatives: Again not any major problems but the 25/7 background did not work for me. Also could have been even shorter. I wish it was only a love story minus the setting and the fact that its an emraan hashmi movie!

Overall: Pretty average and survivable if you dont have any major hang ups against emraan hashmi!

Feel-o-Meter: 6/10 (Yes. You read it right.. 6.. :-p )

2012: Kick Ass. Plain Simple.. Kickkk Assss!!!

100% paisa vasool for me. I ONLY went for the graphics. Ignored anything else and was damn damn happy with the movie. Some of the scenes are so 'Oh my Gawdddd' that you just cannot afford to miss it. And there were some like "How the hell can they even imagine this.. forget about filming". And For god's sake, dont go with that 'Whats apart from the graphics' curiousity. Just go for some spell binding, kick ass action and you will NOT be disappointed. And for all those who think its nothing but graphics and action. You guys are damn right and yeah.. F**k you!! :-D

Every single scene.. You just go.. How the f**k can they even think about this. I mean the canvas is too friggin big. I still am in the awe of the writer/director who COULD think of such masssive scale and effects. Whole buildings going down in a flash. Trains flying in the sky. Highways gone in a flash. A whole city just breaks in half and is wasted in the sea. Tsnunamis hitting the himalayas!!! wow.. wow.. and WOW!!! Full marks for even daring to 'imagine' forget about thinking of filming it!!

Plot: Do you really care?? I mean in hollywood sci-fi flick these days. Do you really bother about the plot or the story or the 'message'!!! Its a one liner plot. Some eruptions from the sun has some heating effect on the earth's core and there are earthquakes, volcanic eruptions, tsunamis, shifting of poles etc etc. The world is coming to an end and there are some people who are trying to survive.. Blah.. Blah..

Performance: What else can be expected apart from the usual screams and exaggerated expressions going.. aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh.. Ohhhh shiitttttt.. Runnnnnnn... etc etc. Nobody has any other thing to do apart from those screams etc.

Technicals: Ofcourse special effects are the biggest, meanest, most imaginative and craziest EVERR on screen. But when there are no special effects and in close shots, it gives a kinda 'sit comish' feel. I guess its gotta do with some new technology of cinematography used or something. But gives an uncomfy feeling during those shots. But yeah. I dont think i know enough to even comment on special effects of that stature.

Positives: Kick Ass Special Effects. Ammmmmazing creativity. Imaginative.. Just too f**king imaginative.

Negatives: Too lengthy. Gets a bit preachy in the middle and you start to feel, 'when would the next big sequence' come, Gets repetitive since there is nothing one can do apart from running from nature. But i think EVERY negative is forgotten once the sequences start flowing. I just wish that ending had been less preachy and more kick ass like the start!!

Overall : Fullll Feel. Kick Ass action, Graphics and Special Effects. Must Must Watch

Feel-O-Meter : 8/10

Dont hesitate, just say whats in your heart.
You may land up together, or at worst you may get apart..
Strike when the iron is hot and dont think later ke 'kash, sala main dil mein nahi rakhta'.
Kyonki ek baar thanda ho gaya jo loha to kissi ka baap usse garam nahi kar sakta..
;-p

Ajab Prem Ki Ghazab Kahani: Naah.. Nothing 'Ghazab'. No Prem. Definitely No Kahani. :-(

Well. Not that i HATED the movie but honestly, i dint come out with anything after the movie. Good movies you have something left with you after you are finished. Something that reminds me of that movie. In this case. I dint get that feel at all. The movie is too overrated and i dont understand why on earth have some critics given it 4 stars!!!! There is almost no chemistry between the lead pair. Story, Script, Direction, Comedy, Senti Stuff. Almost nothing worked for me. But yeah, A couple of sequences here and there are quite funny, but overall. Feel nahi aayi yaar. Katrina looks pretty (obviously). Ranbir is cute(obviously). But nothing else, I guess i was expecting too much from Santoshi after being a die hard fan of Andaz Apna Apna. Disappointed.

First things first, Its not that i dont like Silly Slapstick stuff or something(For the record: I loved 'All the best') but this just didnt do it for me. The jokes were too stale. The slapstick was straight out of a school skit. I guess the movie just tried too hard to be funny and it shows. Santoshi so desperately wanted to replicate an AAA. Named the key character as Prem. Even the villain's right hand is called 'Robert'(and even casts the same actor, Viju Khote). The climax also tried the same AAA setting and slapstick but just dint work. You cant copy your own classic and lift a few sequences and expect to make a kick ass movie out of it. And that exactly happened. It just ended up being a confused movie. I am still not sure if its a romantic comedy with some senti twists or is it a comedy with romance as the side plot!!!

Plot: There was nothing 'Ghazab' in the story. Its a very plain simple love story with a couple of predictable twists. Guy meets girl. Starts liking her. Girl loves somebody else. He tries to help her find the true love. Twists. Turns. Predictable Ending. Done. With these simple storylines, 'Treatment' makes the difference and in this case. It dint.

Performance: Ranbit is Cute. Katrina looks pretty. hmmmmm.. I guess thats it.

Technicals: Technicals!!! What!!! You actually are looking at ANY sort of technical expertise anywhere?? Anyways. Nothing noticable. One song picturized full frozen(Madonna) style was pretty good. Baaki.. Nothing to mention.

Music: I guess the only saving grace for the movie. Nice songs. Some very good too. I liked Dil tera, Tu Jaane Na and Prem ki Naiyya a lot. Worth a buy(or download). Definitely!

Positives: Hmmm... The Cute Ranbir. He has done a pretty decent job. Songs. A couple of really funny sequences. A couple of really well written dialogues too. But nothing much apart from that

Negatives: Trying too hard to tickle your funny bone especially in the end. Stupid twists(Kat and Ranbir Stammering!!!!). Very ordinary script and performances by most.

Overall: Can watch with friends (or girlfriend/boyfriend) if dont have anything better to do. Ignore some stuff and enjoy some of the funny moments and come back. Zyada load nahi lene ka

Feel-O-Meter: 4/10

Had a busy day in office and u feel like shit.
Yes, i have had enough and this is it..
Forget all the problems, forget all the pain.
Feel the drops on your face and smell the scent, of the first winter rain.

I still remember those school n college days.
Now, all's lost in the corporate rat race..
That carefree nature and feelin like a small pup..
oh god, pls do smthing abt it, coz i dont wanna grow up!!!

'Golden' Years!!! Really???

It was a pretty strange feeling today. I was coming back from the temple and saw an old lady (like really really really old). She must have been more than 70 years and also had a back problem. She was stooping like a bow and was struggling to cross the road. As 100s of others who just passed by, not because they didnt want to help or anything else, its just that she was just not noticable enough for anybody. She was not the poor types. Just old.. Too Old.. Thats it. And ya, I was no different and almost went past. And then i could just hear a whisper. I couldnt understand what she said, but guessed that she wanted somebody to help her cross the road. Then nothing else, I just grabbed her hand and we crossed the road. I know. No big Deal!!! right? i agree. But not for her. She kept on thanking me again and again (which again i could hardly understand). Blessing me repeatedly. Kept Calling me Beta Beta. And off she went. And i went mine.

And it was over. or did it 'start'?? Honestly, I dont know. But for me, it was like living my own old age in front of me. 50 years too early i guess!! I started wondering what her story was (or even if she had a story at all!) If she had kids?? If yes, then why dint they come to the temple with her? Or Did she have anybody at all? Why would she wanna take such pains just to visit the temple?? How difficult it is for her to step out of her house every time she does? How many times in a day would she have to use that small whisper to make somebody take notice of her presence and help her? How would it feel to be invisible amongst thousands? How would it feel to be just another old man/woman in the crowd? Are these really the golden years that they are supposed to be??

She went her way and i was standing back, just looking at her. Infact, could feel something wet in my eye too. And she just walked away. Walked away step by step. And i saw her whole life in every step. Every Single step was as full of struggle as a life time. Every step mocking the whole purpose of life. IF there is a purpose. Apart from 'Survival'. Every single day. Every single Moment. Every Single Step. We are just surviving. Not 'living'. An endless journey towards an unknown destination. Just a walk. Long Walk.

All our life, we keep struggling to reach a destination. But nobody knows 'what' that destination is?? There are just milestones on a long road. We keep going from one to the other. Studies. Job. Car. Bigger Car. Marriage. Home. Bigger Home. Kids. Their Studies. Their Marriage. and it goes on and on and on. Just the long road!!! We meet companions (or co travellers if you wish to call them) who travel with us for a while and then take their own way forward. But at the end, what we are always left with is our own self. Just that loneliness (Or even Helplessness). I dont know what more to write coz i just feel blanked out. May be thats because i do not know what my old age would be like. Or rather, i dont 'expect' it to be like this. But Would that woman have thought otherwise? Just a thought. Will add when i 'Know' what i want to say!

I missed you like crazy all this time..
i kno this sounds stupid n doesnt even rhyme..
2 years of wait and all those sighs..
but now i m here oh dear mumbai!

LONDON DREAMS: Buy One, Get Two !!!!

COMBO OFFER!!!! Buy one ticket and get Two dreams free. One on screen called london dreams and the other one in your sleep during the first half!!! Infact, there are two movies in one. It sucks in the first half but picks up in the second. Its a classic example of being plain Stupid to sheer amazing from first to the second half. Cinematography and AD's performance are damn neat. Salman is okay. Music is Bad. Story was damn good but script screwed it. One time watch and i soooo wish somebody makes the same movie again but keeps it short and to the point without stupid jokes and masala stuff. Watchable.

First things first, Its not too bad a movie as well provided you can survive the stupidity, not funny jokes, zabardasti ka character establishment and illogical stuff (i am sure you are not looking for logic in a salman starrer anyways..) The second half is very nice specially performance by AD. He does his usual best in the intense scenes.

Plot: I am sure you would have guessed through the promos, that its a story of jealousy between two friends because the second is more successful than the first. Just to add that extra flavour, a love triangle is also thrown. Add to that some senti family pride motivation. and you get London Dreams' plot. Honestly i love the storyline but script and dialogues were just so pathetic that you start pitying the poor story writer.

Performance: AD rocks. He is known for his intense performances and he delivers damn damn good. You just need to be patient and ignore his spiked-gelled-colored hair, earrings, tight white t shirts, tight brown checks wali trousers and yeah.. he does look damn funny when he tries to perform on stage like a Rockstar!!!!! ;-p But once you ignore that part. He is amazing. Salman does his bit as the 'star performer'. Keeps the audiences interest alive. His character is written pretty well, just that the extra bit of his being a 'playboy' was not required. Asin has nothing to do but to 'dance' in the background while a rock performance(!!!!) is going on with all that 70s look. (Imagine!!!!) She does her bit as the cute wide eyed girl who just runs here and there and keeps giving a shy smile. Thats her job and she does it well.

Technicals: Cinematography is damn good. Ammazing actually. The color combinations in 'Tapke Tapke' was great. Light sequences during stage shows were damn neat as well. Apart form that everything sucks. Direction, Script, Music, Dialogues everything.

Music: One or two songs are hummable. Rest are PATHETIC to the core. You tend to start laughing actually!! I sooo missed Rahman :-(

Positives: AD's performance. Cinematography, Salman is good too.

Negatives: Direction. Script. Dialogues, Stupid jokes, Length

Overall : Its a one time watch with a few friends when you are just planning to have fun. Provided you can ignore Salman and AD miming at hindustani classical songs wearing Black suits with white ties (that too with silver polca dots!!!) AD Rocks. Definitely a one time watch for him.

Feel-o-Meter : 5/10

PS: I soooo wish somebody makes the same movie again with a tigher script, keeps it short without the stupid jokes and parallel tracks, AR Rahman as music director. I will watch it 10 times over. Is anybody listening :-(